I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
