Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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