Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
