i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
