my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You can't motorboat a personality
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
