I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
