yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
