i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
