That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
