i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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