Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
