Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I look better un-naked...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My feet surprised me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
