I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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