are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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