I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
