cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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