they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
