He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
