dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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