so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
