That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
