I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
