It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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