I think I won the penis lottery.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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