If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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