Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
