i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
