OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
