Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
