Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
