My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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