Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
