I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
