i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
