Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
