That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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