After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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