i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I deserve this hangover.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
