I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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