glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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