I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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