im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
