I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
