what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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