so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
