Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
