I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
