"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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