like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have fence marks all over my body
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
