dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
