I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
