And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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