quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
