allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
